When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize