I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
