the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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