I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize