I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
