i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just puked most of my soul out..
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