If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
