there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
