I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
