Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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