She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
