I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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