shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
