So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
