well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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