i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
