Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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