I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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