we're blogging at a bar
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
