How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
