were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
