Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
