I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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