Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
