I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
