I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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