six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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