hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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