Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
