I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
