I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
