Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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