one two three fourrrrnication!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
