I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
