Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Houston, we have a squirter
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize