I wish my penis had an off switch
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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