Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
did you just send me my own nude
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
