My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Two words: nipple clamps
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