you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
