i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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