it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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