i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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