so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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