Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I could fuck to npr.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
