Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
