Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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