I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
