That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
