Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
