11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
