I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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