He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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