Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
