i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize