I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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