i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
