He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
