his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
