he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
