I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
