And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Redeem this text for a blowjob
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
