best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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