i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
