No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
