Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
