just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
