i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
