i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
