He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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