I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just invented taco cereal.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
