Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize