You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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