I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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