my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have fence marks all over my body
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
