what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
