The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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