But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
